The FA have just announced that a decision has been made following yesterday's fall out between Evra and Suaraz and have decided that Mario Ballotelli will receive a 5 match ban!
My mate went to see a psychic last week, she told him he would be coming into a large amount of money. Last night he shagged a fat bird called penny How spooky is that.
Asked the wife for a wank last night and she started rubbing my dick with her keyring. I thought fuck this, she's just fobbing me off.
Muamba woke up yesterday to be told that Torres had scored twice.. He said fuck me how long was i out for!
Said to my missus " Hey! fat cnut what do you want for your birthday?" She said "Don't get fucking lippy." I said "right, mascara it is, then!"
Rang the council today for permission to have a skip outside my house. He said you can cartwheel around the fucking block for all I care!
They say one in every seven friends have a gambling addiction. My money's on Dave. I went to the pub last night and there was this fat girl dancing on a table. I walked passed and said "******* amazing legs" The girl giggled and said with a smile " Do you really think so" I said "definately, most tables would have collapsed by now!" Have you met Danny Welbeck's dad? He's a bomb disposal man. His name is Stan. Stan Welbeck.
My mate reckons he always cries after sex. I thought you big soft twat! Then I remembered....... .he's in prison!
In hindsight I should have posted my Facebook status as; "I've blown the head gasket on my 1997 XR3i" rather than "I've just fucked a 14 year old escort". The police still haven't seen the funny side, and my lap top's been confiscated
Thought i heard the ghost of robin gibb in my herb garden. But when i went to check, it was just the chive talking......
Since his release from Villa, Emile Heskey went on a shooting spree with a sub machine gun around Birmingham.....no-one was hurt
